A viewer asked me an endearing yet repugnant question yesterday:
Hey. Random question. I use dating sites to talk to guys in an attempt to form a relationship. I use them because I’m shy and don’t approach guys irl. Do you think it’s okay for feminine girls to approach first? Where I live guys don’t approach women because of the politically correct act.
It’s endearing because she thinks she is ‘shy’ for not approaching men, when that is the natural and feminine thing to do. It’s repugnant, because the thought that she resorts to online dating to solve the problem indicates how #MeToo has added to the inability modern young men and women already have to connect with each other on a meaningful level.
This viewer lives in Toronto, a feminist capital. And #MeToo has hurt her dating prospects. Feminism has however given her a unique opportunity: to receive numerous messages from desperate men, the men who make these apps profitable (feminists run these apps and they care about profit over people’s mental health). Men don’t have the same opportunity, as the apps use an algorithm where only the men with the most attractive pictures (not the most attractive physically per se, but with the best presentation–there is a huge difference in many cases) get shown to women. The women benefit, the men don’t.
What happens is that ‘attractive’ men end up on dates with women who aren’t as attractive as them. Hell, forget attraction. How about accomplishments, and what makes men men? That’s what used to attract women. But how in the world can that be communicated through an app?
It can’t, and that’s partly why she won’t succeed. Instead of assuming that though, my response to her question was: “has it worked?” To which she replied “it has not.” To which I replied “the chances are slim to none,” and then proceeded to write this article.
The reason her chance of finding a meaningful relationship is extremely low has to do with the way the sexes connect on a non-material level, the most important level.
For me to explain this, I’ll have to share with you a personal story, involving all three of my closest ex-girlfriends (trust me, I don’t like talking about my past relationships, as I imply by doing so that I am not a virgin). Then, I’ll explain how the apps affect your communication skills negatively and erode femininity. I’ll explain how men’s masculinity is affected from the app. And finally, I’ll answer her question.
Meeting Her Organically
Every single one made herself approachable. Every single one was attracted to me on a spiritual level. It is not physical, first at least. It is deeper than that, and explains why we had similar beliefs, ones that I don’t find in people I meet in real life often enough.
How is this possible? I believe it is because we are mysteriously drawn to those who are on the same wavelength as us. We resonate with them, perhaps on a physical level that science has yet to see, but which we can feel within our hearts and minds.
And in my limited experience with online dating, the best matches I got also aligned with me on major issues that are important to me. Unfortunately, they never worked out and I have gone on very few dates, all of which were beyond horrid due to the effect the app and pop culture has on their brain, from online dating.
Why did these ‘woke’ relationships end then? Distance was an issue eventually in two out of three cases. In the third case, I deliberately checked out as the woman was two and three quarters of a year older than me and I consciously decided not to get heavily involved with her. We still have a lot of mutual respect for each other still.
I have had much bad luck with distance in my life, including with best male friends (I had a best female friend when I was 6–she was 6 and a half and at the time that inspired my competitive spirit, as I wanted to be older than her). In fact, four best friends in particular I’ve lost touch with because of distance. One I am in touch with today, loosely, but we are not best friends anymore. We talk, but after I moved, we stopped talking. There was no Facebook or Instagram, apps I do not recommend using anyway, even though I created an Instagram (I occasionally make the threat that I will delete the app).
These women and I though met in an organic fashion. One I met at a cafe. Another at a gym. And the other at work, and then I approached her in our gym when i randomly stumbled upon her. These women were all feminine, although one, with a promiscuous past, had a hard time expressing her femininity, and her past most certainly affected it.
With online dating, women are forced to lose their femininity, because femininity is attractive. It’s honey. Why inspire guys to stick to you and love you when you have so many messaging you? The number is alarming to a man, but it’s in the hundreds. She can quickly get over one thousand matches. A relatively unattractive feminist with pictures of herself bald told me she had 2000 matches, and she used it as evidence that she is a desirable woman (she was with long hair, and many men must have swiped for that picture, but this was also in Portland, Oregon, where no masculine men exist in the metro area, except for me when I was there, and my buddy, a native, who is sick of the culture).
It’s basic supply and demand. When there is too much supply (of desperate-for-sex men), demand for them goes down. As society becomes fractured and men stop approaching women, the demand for them goes up. How does this affect women’s behavior? They become feminine again.
Thus, any woman who uses an online dating application, including Bumble where she gets to message first, is at risk of losing her femininity, and taking men’s interest in her for granted, as well as confusing it for desperation and a sexual interest, rather than a romantic interest. Women who use these applications, or participate in hookup culture may think they want a relationship, but may spread her legs for him the same night she meets him, partially because the men she meets are not going to commit to her anyway, so she is desperate herself and hopes that by sleeping with him he may want to be in a relationship with her. This is modern life.
How Online Dating Affects Women’s Communication Patterns
By participating in online dating, you may be shooting yourself in the foot, because you don’t know how to be feminine anymore, and when a wholesome man does come around, you take him for granted and have your nose buried in your phone.
When I attempted online dating, and I noticed that women communicated differently over the messaging service, as well as in real life. Here’s a simple test that determines how feminine a woman is:
Give her a compliment, on something she is wearing. If she is feminine, she will immediately smile, say thank you, and continue the conversation. A woman who has the “internet brain” as I call it, a disorder where you lose communication skills and cognitive abilities, as well as emotional intelligence, from an excess of passive consumption of content you find on social media, especially Instagram, is not delighted. Her response is “meh.”
And this says something about her: she doesn’t even care about herself. Is it any wonder then that young women today wear loose, baggy, light blue jeans, like the kind a farmer wears? It’s not stylish. She doesn’t want to be beautiful anymore. She wants to be respected and treated as an equal. Being feminine, cute, and like honey, has been taken advantage of she’s told. Guys she went to high school with just wanted to hook up with her.
Yes, we are at fault too. 50 years ago, was high school like this? No. People remained virgins until marriage, and also married younger. Having meaningless sex wasn’t encouraged. Women weren’t on birth control (not as much).
Not only does the excessive attention worsen her behavior, the sheer quantity of messages she receives, all stacked one on top of the other, makes it more difficult for her to value any single one.
Having a YouTube channel with 50,000 followers has also affected me this way. It’s an emotional exhaustion. It makes it impossible to reply carefully to comments on my videos. The exception for me are philosophical and intentional people; in those cases, it’s quite easy to respond to them. They structure their comment well and write paragraphs. Their ideas have flow.
Others however, well, they’re impatient. The internet makes us impatient, which is one reason why I decline to use background music in my videos. I don’t want to contribute to the culture of ADHD. These people write long blocks of text, as if they are thinking out-loud. I cannot read the comment as my ‘mental energy’ is not infinite, as much as I’d like to think it is. I have to take breaks to refresh this energy.
When a human being with a female reproductive system (I’m including transsexuals) creates an online dating profile, she immediately receives a lot of interest. The algorithms don’t restrict her visibility as it does for men’s. Since men also usually message first, except on the app Bumble, where they are not permitted to, the woman receives a very high number of messages.
These messages come from men that in an age before Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, and other dating apps, she would dream of getting attention from. Because they are desperate for sex, they will settle for a woman who in real life, they would have no interest in speaking to. Not only does she start to take this for granted, she starts to view men as sex objects and fails to notice masculinity.
Men portray themselves as sex objects on these apps, and so do women. It is commonplace to advertise oneself half-naked. When it’s not possible to charm someone from just a picture alone, you must resort to more aggressive and risky means, while making it look casual, like wearing a bikini at a beach. It’s so subtle, that no one even notices how perverted it is.
Combined with how frequently these users also use other apps, their value and worth is now tied to their appearance, more so than their character. It’s the “superficial” without the reflection from the inner, that takes precedent. And when women learn to find that attractive, they forget how to be feminine.
She doesn’t need to be anymore. He likes her for sex, she advertises herself as an object, and thus the work is done. She doesn’t need to be feminine, which motivates a man to stick around. It’s the sweet stuff she does that makes him fall in love. But now, she just has a hole.
She thinks she wants a relationship, but her mind isn’t focused on what would make it work. This is because a woman’s love, or what nurtures a relationship, must be unlocked by a man’s behavior and how he treats her. Her legs can be unlocked easily. But her love, if you still believe women are capable of that, requires certain behavioral cues from men, not just physical attributes
Online Dating Reduces Male Masculinity
The average, masculine man, doesn’t do well on Tinder. A feminine man who is great at taking pictures will do better. But when you meet him, you see that he comes across as gay. Whoops. How come he didn’t communicate that through pictures? Because it’s all presentation hun.
The app causes men to become desperate. Some will spend hundreds of dollars to increase their profile visibility, but since women’s brains learn to swipe for cuteness and other gimmicks, they forget how to detect masculine qualities. They’re bored, it’s not serious. It’s a distraction. But they complain…
Then, the man notices that only fat women are swiping right on him. He is so desperate now, for sex, for your attention, and for being appreciated. Even men who do well on the app are desperate, because they are on the app. The desperation is what some call sex drive. Imagine how many of these men watch pornography. They are sex addicts, and don’t know how to stick around, or why they should in the first place, since most women on the app open their legs so easily. They might even write a book about how messed up this is, but they don’t have the solution.
The Solution and Answer to Her Question
#MeToo has made it less likely that a man will approach a woman. She demands verbal consent, and emasculates men, even wanting to be the ‘head of the table.’ She has made herself unapproachable. Now, young men think they will give off ‘rapey’ vibes if they even say hello to a woman they don’t know, especially if his self-esteem is low from watching videos on the internet that claim men must be good-looking and over 6-foot tall in order to capture a woman’s attention.
Before internet dating and #MeToo, a woman could go to a bar and be approached by confident men. But now, men feel defeated, because women have become masculine, gotten the laws changed (not by themselves of course, but through an orchestrated plan that originated decades ago, one which brainwashes young girls), and have lost their femininity.
Her femininity is what inspires a man to speak to her. Not her ‘sexiness.’ Her femininity. Nurturing that side of her takes active work today. She must make a choice, as to where she lives, who her friends are, what her priorities in life are, and what type of men to open her legs for, if any before he commits.
My viewer claims to be shy and even considers approaching a man, and likely messages him first if she uses Bumble, an app that attempted to foster relationships, but failed for the reasons outlined above (the ‘Internet Brain’). She’s most certainly a bit desperate.
Should she approach men?
Yes, but only as a last resort.
Everything is backwards today, so yes, I believe she should. But I recommend she be indirect and indiscreet. Most importantly, make him feel like a man again. That will inspire him and make his day. If you are shy, don’t worry, I used to be shy too. It’s not easy to approach women. You have no idea what we go through.
That being said, her claim that men don’t approach her is a little suspect. She may be unapproachable. I don’t know. I am not sure what nightlife is like in Toronto, but from what I’ve heard, there aren’t a lot of feminine women there, although one woman I met from Toronto, while living in Portland, had more femininity than every woman in Portland put together, which gave me a good impression of the city.
She should attempt a few things. She should make herself approachable by valuing her femininity. By making herself a catch. This involves communication skills, body language and much more. She should make herself approachable. This involves inviting men to approach her. It’s not rocket science, but you will need some practice.
It involves learning to recognize masculine men versus men who just want to open up your legs. As masculinity and femininity create families. As far as approaching a man, be careful, as generally, only prostitutes do that. I would recommend it as a last resort, and learning to come across as a normal woman. The PUA techniques for men will apply in this situation, and a whole new can of worms has been opened up.